how to reduce perfectionism

By Mary Polce-Lynch, Ph.D., June 2011

Perfectionism is the tendency to set unreasonably high standards for yourself or for others. These expectations tend to be inflexible, difficult and often impossible to meet.

The negative effects of perfectionism include decreased happiness and an inability to enjoy the moment. Perfectionism can interfere with completing simple tasks such as making a phone call, planting a garden or writing a letter. It can also affect your relationships. Perfectionistic tendencies can be seen in many areas of your life, such as work or school performance, writing, cleaning, organizing and physical appearance. While over time, perfectionism can become a pattern, below are some recommendations to help overcome these tendencies.

The most effective ways to reduce perfectionism are to first become aware of your perfectionistic beliefs and then to change your behaviors. The underlying beliefs that serve as a foundation for perfectionism are often unconscious or outside of your awareness. Two examples of underlying and unrealistic beliefs are the ideas that everything I do must be done perfectly and that every aspect of my appearance must be perfect. You may also project these expectations (again, often unconsciously) onto your children, family members and colleagues. Having perfectionistic expectations can make you rather difficult to live and work with because no one can be perfect!

After becoming aware of your perfectionistic tendencies, the next step is to change your behaviors. By simply reading this article, reflecting on it and discussing it, the change process may have already begun. Some additional strategies that can be used to overcome perfectionism include:

Continue to monitor underlying assumptions: Remember that doing your best in any situation is all that you can do. There are times when this will result in a perfectly completed task and there are times when it will not. If you are able to replace perfectionistic assumptions with a realistic and flexible belief such as the one listed below, you and others will benefit:

Expect excellence and responsibility, not perfectionism, from yourself and others.

Expose yourself to imperfection: Gradually confront the situations that make you feel uncomfortable and observe how, in reality, these situations are manageable even when done imperfectly!

Prevent perfectionism by resisting the urge to monitor it: For example, stop excessively checking your weight, focusing on your body imperfections or correcting the imperfect behavior of others. Becoming aware of these behaviors and stopping them reduces your perfectionism by showing you that these behaviors are, in reality, unnecessary.

Set priorities: Prioritizing can be very useful if you are overwhelmed with the volume of things that need to get done. Prioritizing involves three steps:

  1. Generate a list of tasks you need to complete.
  2. Rank the items in order of importance.
  3. Complete tasks in the specified order.

 

Manage procrastination: If you find that your perfectionism leads to procrastination, consider dividing larger tasks into more manageable components. This will result in projects that can be completed more easily and with less anxiety. Anxiety fuels perfection, so the less anxiety you generate, the less perfectionism has a chance to drain your happiness or ability to focus on the task at hand.

One of the greatest benefits of overcoming perfectionism is the ability to simply be present in the moment and to enjoy it.

 

Reference

Antony, M. & Swinson, R. (2009). When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.